Will she love you like i loved you?
Will she tell you everyday?
Will she make you feel like your invincible with every word she’ll say?
Can you promise if this one’s right, don’t throw it away?
Can you do all these things?
Will you do all these things like we used to?
This was last year’s New Year at the Universal Studios in Los Angeles and our second monthsary together. He connived with my entire family and friends to keep a secret from me that he is coming on our actual monthsary, and not the week after that. His flight to California almost took him at least a day, so for one day, I wasn’t aware where he was and I was all worried and stuff. Imagine being the only person who has no clue about where he was and it was already New Year in New York that time yet I haven’t heard anything from him, not even a Happy New Year. I kept my cool, trusted him, and waited til it was New Year- California time. And just a tad minute after twelve, and while I sulk my ass in one corner, someone tapped my back and viola! A man in a black blazer standing in front of me with 2 HUGE paper bags on both of his hands, and his Nike bag around his neck and shoulder and then suddenly my world stopped.. it was him standing in front of me and I can’t believe it. He actually came!!!! It was the best New Year ever and probably one of the best day of my life. I accomplished two things that day; 1. To be with my boyfriend on our monthsary (cause we weren’t able to spend our 1st month together because were 3 thousand miles from each other), and 2. A New Year kiss under the beautiful fireworks. If I could, I would put that day on constant repeat cos it was just so perfect.
But we’re not officially together anymore. Our 20th monthsary is right around the corner, but sad to say there’s nothing to celebrate anymore since things didn’t work out between the two of us— everything just went downhill. But I have faith in us, and I’m not jaded enough to have lost my faith in love, and I’m hoping that, one day, things will work out for the better. I would never, in my life, have expected to experience a love like I did with him. I am grateful, and truly, truly blessed. I’m so lucky to know that fairytale love does exist, however fleeting it may be.
I wish you all the best, “babe.” :)
xoxo
I hope you get the notion that in whatever I do in life, I always have to consider you. It’s not that you care, but I just thought I’d let you know. Staying here was my choice, and the reason was because of you and my parents know that, but now that things are finally clear to me, I am going away and then again the reason has to be you.
I know you’ve moved on, moved on for good, but there are things you don’t know, things that I don’t show; things that I hide inside. I know to you it seems like I didn’t care, seems like I was never there, but there was never a day that you didn’t cross my mind a million times. And believe me, if I could go back, I would, but things are different now. Time caught up with us & broke us apartnbecause now you found someone else. But that’s not what bothers me. What bothers me is that you left me & that I left you, with words unspoken & a story unread. Words that are still trying to escape my heart & reach out to you, words that don’t notice that time has past; words that still have meaning. What bothers me is that you didn’t see the tears I cried & you didn’t know that I lied when I told you I was happy. What bothers me is that you still cross my mind a million times a day & even when I’m sleeping, I can still hear your voice telling me how much you love me or how much you miss me & that’s the only time I’m ever happy. It’s when I’m reminiscing about you & dreaming about us. But when reality hits me, it just kills me. But the thing that bothers me the most is that all of this could have been prevented if I had just said something or done something, & the only thing that doesn’t bother me is that I’ve learned a valuable lesson; you don’t really know what you got until it’s gone.
Before you totally walk out on me, I wanna ask you something. Who was the person whom you shared mostly of your inside jokes with? Who was the one you built your dreams and aspirations in life with? Who was your shoulder, your helping hand, and rocked you in time when you needed it? Who was the one who chilled with you for so many hours thinking about all the memories we shared and how it seemed to blend together? Who was one you met online 2 years ago in which we and our parents thought we’re destined? Who was the one who fought battles with you? Who was the one who in so many things is very irritating yet would do everything to make you stay? That’s right, Me. But if you really want to risk everything and throw this all away, be my guest. Be my fucking guest.
Its funny how after I said it’s over I am posting this picture. You ask me why? Hah. Because I can. :) and I like this picture a lot and and and Vegas was the farthest place we went to and our 8th monthsary getaway gift to ourselves. K. Thats about it. Bye.
ps. The truth is, I miss him a lot. I love him too much and I can’t imagine life without him but I’m going to change that. :) So help me God.
are over.
Something I have to repeatedly tell myself over and over, so I don’t get the notion of “Maybe, just maybe things will be ok sooner or later” because waiting for something that isn’t going to happen is just plain stupid. I may have not waited for too long, but the longer I wait, the harder it is for me to live life normally. It’s not that I live it differently, it’s just that.. it’s hard plus it won’t bring me anywhere. I’m just making things complicated for myself. I love you and you know how much I do, but everything has it’s limit.. and in my case, I’ve already reached that limit. I’m done here. I’m done with you.. and as much as I would love to talk to you over the phone or catch up on things, it’s not going to happen. Please let’s not talk anymore. Let’s leave it as this. And this time, I think I’m ready to give you what you wanted. You said to live life separately right? For a while? Yeah. But it so happens that I decided to not live life separately with you “for a while” cause I want to live life separately with you, Forever.
